dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
