If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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