GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
