I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
