I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize