When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
