I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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