You can't special order awesome
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
