So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
