I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
