That's intense
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
