yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
