I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
