well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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