Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
