eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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