Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
