For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
