It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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