you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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