dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
