...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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