I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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