i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
