put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
