I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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