You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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