Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
is wine microwaveable?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
