do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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