i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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