If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
