walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
