is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
