You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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