haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize