I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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