i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
