just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
