i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
