yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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