Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I touched a dick in church today
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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