I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
