you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
