ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
