I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
