He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
