Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
