apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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