and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize