i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
