ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
