More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
and she was petting her beer can
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
