If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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