I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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