I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
