Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you didnt know i had herpes?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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