She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
