is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
