apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
