So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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