That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
