I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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