Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
