I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
