Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
