Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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