its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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