The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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