I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
