just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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