Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
