i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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