Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
