Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
