Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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