i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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